DAILY MONSTER 37
Good morning. And Merry Christmas, if you’re so inclined! I hope you’ll have a beautiful, toasty day in good company. Many thanks again to all of you for checking in over the holidays.
Crimson, a new contributor, leads us off with a great little story about the Arctic Shadow Imp, who likes to inflict bruises by tricking people to bump into things. I actually had several run-ins with him just today and I have the marks to prove it. Good call, Crimson, and Thank You for posting. I look forward to more of your stories!
Schlockading has a theory: Monster 36 is actually the Grinch—after a nasty run-in with an active volcano. Eep! Which means that he would have made my favorite noise in all of toon-dom: The noise a character (or object) makes when it burns to a cinder in an instant. It’s a breathy P’uh sound that transitions seamlessly into an open mouth wheeze. I tried finding the sound for you online, but came up empty. (What terms do you really search for?)
Sam B. is back with another lovely haiku. Merry Christmas, Sam / Thank you for your daily posts / The Monsters love you. (And 344 loves you, too.)
Terry puts it very simply: Santa has been burning the Yule log at both ends. May he get a chance to rest after today. I’m sure he’s already got his first class ticket to St. Barts.
Thank you all for coming to visit. I’ve got another holiday monster for you today, and he seems an altogether nicer guy than yesterday’s creature. He even has festive eyes! I think he’s an envoy from the Monster World, wishing you a Happy Holiday and a stocking full of excellent goodies! As do I. Jingle, jingle! 344 LOVES YOU
I love your drawings, are fantastic. You are an excelent artist.
Sorry for my bad english, but i’m spanish.
yo ho ho – superb! I think that this holiday monster flew the redeye ’round the world last night….
I gots four eyes that burn. They burn like fire. They could really be laser beams, but I don’t like to talk about that, because someone might steal ’em and then my eyes would nots be in my head anymore. I gots this hat with fluff on it. Its like cotton, but different. It helps me to keep my balance when I drinks too much bourbon. I gots these stringy things for teeth. I like ’em. Sometimes they gets tangled and I gots to use conditioner on ’em so that I can comb ’em out. Everybody’s always making fun of me abouts my teeth, but I just says I like ’em and I don’t wants to be hearing all that mess. They better watch whats they says to me, I might just gets angry and use my laser beam eyes. That’d show ’em.
After his run-in with Mt. Vesuvius, the radioactive particles thrown far into the atmosphere caused the Grinch to grow two additional eyes, which now have superlaser capabilities! That even rivals the great Zeus on Vesu – oh wait, that’s Olympus. Never mind then.
I know exactly which noise you’re talking about. It’s that “Puh!” exhalation noise. On a side note, I received a “Daily Monster Kit” for Christmas that had been constructed by mom – a bottle of black ink, straws, and two Sharpies. Thanks for the inspiration!
He is great too!
Quadro always wanted to start a SantaCon faction in his local stomping grounds. But Antlervania was no place for dozens of drunk Santarchists. He needed something to cheer him up, so for Christmas this year, he decided to have LED lights implanted directly into his corneas. It was listed on the menu as “The Rudolph.” And he is quite pleased with the surgery. It got a bit pricy for four eyes, but lucky for him, they offer a payment plan.
The tar bearded Santa had a rough night delivering all the presents around the world. When he finally got home he had gone so nuts from all of that craziness he miraculously grew two extra eyes! And then started bleeding from them…more on that later.
At long last I’ve returned! The Respected Taxonomist Kukuttan is very glad to be back, but deeply sorry for such an abrupt absense. [In fact quite honestly I don’t think I’ve earned my keep enough to be missed, but I SHALL prove myself]
The Respected Taxonomist Kukuttan was VERY sad at the vast amount of monsters that have missed the chance of taxonomifising [oh yes, that’s EXACTLY how you spell it] but was tickled-pink at the jolly family of monsters that has made their debut! In fact I’ve noticed a lot of the recent monsters have been turning out as hairy-faced mountain men.
Is this a forshadowing for the future of monsters? Is their cosmic alignment changing forever? Are they truly experiencing a startling evolution into a humanoid form? No more ambiguous blotches and squiggles, tentacles and hairs going this way and that–in their place recognisable horse-like teeth and cartoon body shapes? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury** I ask you–What is the future of these monsters!?
For this jolly creature I can say…that it is a work of architecture, not of nature. Quite a ghoulish house I can say, sitting on a snow-covered hill. Four ringed-windows flashing with red lights of a party carrying on inside peek out from a red roof with a snow-lined gutter. [In January I can honestly say that all the frozen leaves and bracken would be an awful pain to clean out] It’s an odd house it is, with a wraparound window to view the mishapen couch in the livingroom, and fringed curtains at the top. Freshly painted in black, it drips down through the snow–that is the cover the owners of the house use–for the house actually sits on a forbidden Indian burial ground! Indians whom at the time that they died also happened to be drilling for commercial oil! [Spooooky~!] As you can see, the family must coat their mishapen house in black to hide the ghostly oil that spurts up each night on christmas as the blood of the indians creeps over the hill and onto the roof.
…The Respected Taxonomist Kukuttan thinks it is best to stick to Taxonomy rather than ghost stories and folklore. It’s quite messy.
On a side note: I found myself giggling madly at the reference to the cartoon onomotopia “P’uh” and upon reading it, nearly heard it as clear as a bell in my head. [That is not to assume that bells can go P’uh…I don’t think…] But you’re right, it is very hard to find. While I couldn’t locate the one sound alone, I found an amusing clip of a sputtering jolopy-car from the old black-and-white cartoons, it resmembles the P’uh sound a few times. [I’m not at all sure how to make a link here though…is it alright if I paste it as-is?]
**Yes you’ve suddenly gained a jury to testify your monsters Mr. Brucher, think of it as a christmas present from The Respected Taxonomist Kukuttan. [You’ve got to feed and clean their cages on your own though–they’re messy and perishable little things they are]
and even though i’m a cyclops loving girl, this guy’s pretty cute~
Sadly for Santa, the Arctic Shadow Imp did indeed achieve his goal of giving Santa the cold, stubbed toe.
Little did the ASI know that Santa was so jolly that pain did not affect him – all of the should-have-been-hurt nerve endings in his toe actually made his eyes blink red and white rather than invlict a sense of pain.
(Didn’t you know that Santa has four eyes? How else do you think he can see all the good AND bad girls and boys all over the world?)
So, ultimately, it was a win/win situation because, even tho it didn’t hurt him, Santa does have a bruised toe.
Thank you for your kind words, mogabog, sus and Ryu. I’m glad you like Holiday Monster #2. Also… Ryu, I think your English is just fine. I hope you’ll post a story sometime!
They called me “four eyes” in high school. That was before I ate them. See that stuff between my teeth? That’s them.
I can’t believe no one went for this very lame, very obvious reply. Yep, that’s me, lame and obvious!
Happy hols, everyone!
Oh, my!! Look at that four-eyed thing over there! What’s it doing with that crazy looking face? Well, I’m going to call it four-eyed monster. It’s hairy and has four red pulsating eyes because someone is feathering him in the back of his head. Every time someone feathers him, he gets all jittery, clumsy and runs away. I just wave and say, “Bye, Bye Mr. Big Man!”
Nie sollte man nur um des Reimes Willen Dinge sagen, die einem später leid tun könnten.
Nein, nein das ist nicht das Ende der Geschichtenerzählerin. Nein! Nur keine Panik und keine Horrorvisionen.
Der gute Nikolaus mag einfach nur schöne Verse.
Das neu aufgetauchte Augenpaar und die veränderten Gesichtszüge dienen lediglich zur Abschreckung.
Wehe den vorwitzigen Erwachsenen!!!