DAILY MONSTER 40
Good morning. Today is a travel day for me, so I’m hedging my bets with a time-release post. if you’re reading this, it means that I didn’t manage to get my laptop connected in time for the nightly story round-up. But that doesn’t mean you don’t get a brand new monster in time for your breakfast. As far as yesterday’s stories go, I will update this post as soon as I can get back online.
Ah-ha! Access has been restored! Thank you for all of yesterday’s great stories:
Mogabog, in anticipation of New Year’s day, claims that 39 is a Flying Resolution Monster—a creature that comes out of hibernation around this time of year, reaches the peak of its powers around January 1st, then quickly goes back into its cave to slumber for another year. Good theory, mogabog. I think I have a few of these monsters lurking outside my door right now.
Terry T. gives a riveting account of a community under attack. He does a great job making something very familiar seem like Grade A space opera! I was glued to my seat anticipating the grand finale. Excellent suspense!
Schlockading reports from this year’s Monstucky Derby. Nice work, Schlockading. Or is that Colonel Schlockading? And where’s my Monster Julep anyway?
Victoria sees 39 as Pinocchio’s cousin, a White Lies and Flattery Monster of sorts. Could be very handy to have a few of them to round out your New Year’s Eve party. Her monster is the sunny side of Sam B.’s Close Talking Monster, who is—in Sam’s own words—a smarmy little devil, and a rancid gasbag. I know a few people that may be closely related to this fellow.
Stephanie is back with an infomercial for Sinkenken, the answer to all your Hoovering needs. Tell Dyson to suck it, this is the last vacuum cleaner you’ll ever need. This must be the latest evolutionary step up from the wooly mammoth vacuum cleaner they used on the Flintstones! I definitely want one. Nice work, Stephanie. I especially like the reason behind the name!
On to today’s creature: I hope you’ll like Number 40, who came out of the ink well to salute my dad, who always watches ski jumping between the holidays—specifically the Vier Schanzen Tournee (the four ramp tour). Do you think 40 could compete? What country (or planet) is it competing for? How did it qualify? Or is it engaged in an altogether different activity that just happens to look like ski jumping? I’m sure you’ve got all kinds of ideas already and I’m excited to see where you’ll take this one! Even on the road and without immediate internet access 344 LOVES YOU
Are you an Octopus on skis?
Daddy Warbucks made you boots
Are you happy?
“Ladies and gentlemen, #40 has taken to the slopes. Hailing from the little-known and often misunderstood mining town of der Hoffnungsfunke (that’s ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ to you and I), it’s a wonder how this chap ever learned to ski. Don’t let his appearances fool you, folks: those spindly legs of his are surprisingly strong. As you can see now! Achieving liftoff, #40 peaks out at 103 feet for his jump, making this the highest achievement of the day……folks, you are witnessing history here!….don’t touch that dial!”
thanks fer the time-release capsule, Stefan, breakfast is now fortified – and safe travails I mean travels to ya.
I hadn’t been to your site in awhile, and I am very pleasantly surprised to see you have a blog with the videos. I am going to definetly add this to my daily viewing list.
Hey I jsut got a subscription to HOW, and I am wondering if you are going to be doing any more articles for them?
It’s a little known fact that 40 is actually from Morgedal, Norway… the city in which ski jumping originated.
Unable to compete in the first competition in 1862, he’s been practicing for more than a century and will soon compete in the Ski-flying hill competition (the most extreme version of all ski jumping) at Holycowurcrazy Hill, in mid-February of 2007.
Due to amazing agility, his wire thin frame, and nearly weightless head (hey you don’t need brains to fly over 200 meters into the air), he’s successfully mastered this sport and is sure to win the grand prize… nothing less than to be awarded with free Wheaties for life will do for this soon to be famous champion.
Indeed, this is no skiing event, but the newest revolution in aircraft technology. This fine alien is modeling our newest concoction, the 140-SX Skiliner™. Anyone can get on the skis and take off into the air for a great time! Fly as high and fast as you want – you can even fly around all day.
DISCLAIMER: Maximum altitude of 100 meters. Do not attempt while eating, drinking, smoking, or consuming alcohol. Never operate machinery, including the 140-SX Skiliner™, while drinking any alcoholic beverages. Do not exceed speeds of over 50 kmph. If maximum speed is exceeded, the 1-year limited warranty becomes null and void. Skiliner™ may experience sudden shifts in direction and speed, which could lead to serious injury or death. Maximum battery life of 15 minutes. Battery failure may cause crashing of the vehicle, which could also result in serious injury or death. People or aliens with heart, neck, or back problems should not attempt to ride the 140-SX Skiliner™. Also, people under the age of 14 should not ride the Skiliner™. The Skiliner Corporation does not assume any liability for losses or damages incurred while using this product.
I like to ski downhill.
If I wanna take a jump, I will.
I hope I don’t crash
Or get real bad whiplash
Cuz, I can’t afford a doctor bill.
Enjoying a day on the slopes, Valborg soars high into the thin mountainous troposphere. Such a sight would not have been seen had it not been for his punctilious consumption of hoodia gordonii. You see, Valborg used to be a potbellied waste of space. One night, whilst eating copious quantities of microwavable pork rinds, he saw an infomercial proclaiming the peculiar properties of said wonder plant. He purchased a six-month supply using his Diners Club Card, and patiently awaited its arrival. The hoodia took the hunger out of the equation, and Valborg quickly kicked the poundage to the curb. Now he’s happy for the first time in his life.
I don’t have a story for you just some compliments. This little guy is my favorite monster yet.
And I LOOVE the clouds. You’re brilliant with ink and imagination!
Eckhard die Zecke ist ein winterhartes Tier. Um sich auch in der kalten Jahreszeit an strammen Waden laben zu können, hat sie sich wegen ihrer geringen Grösse und der damit verbundenen Gefahr im Tiefschnee verloren zu gehen, eine Skiflugausrüstung erstanden. Da die schneereichen Alpenregionen ihr ein gefahrloses Krabbeln verunmöglichen, krallt sie sich im Flug an ihren Opfern fest, um sie anzuzapfen und den für Zecken dringend benötigten Lebenssaft zu schlürfen.
Menschen werden bei himmelverdüsterndem Monsterzeckenflug durch Sirenenalarm gewarnt, sich möglichst nicht im Freien aufzuhalten.
Da eine flachendeckende Durchimpfung der Bevölkerung bereits stattgefunden hat, besteht keine Gefahr durch einen Stich der Saugwerkzeuge zu erkranken. Allerdings besteht ein grosses Risiko, durch im Auge steckengebliebene Viecher das Sehvermögen zu verlieren.