DAILY MONSTER 196 (of 200)

Good morning. How are you? Did you have a good weekend? Are you ready for some excellent, and exceedingly odd monster stories?



And what of Monster 196? Ready to say Hello?

If you’re reading this on my Amazon blog, please click here to see the video.

What do you think 196 is so happy about? Is it doing well at work? Excited to start the new week? Or is there something else going on? Some specific, external event? A personal breakthrough? A great new idea? What do you think is going through 196’s mind? I’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter. Please…


Have a great day today,
and a lovely week in general.
And do keep in mind, please,
that 344 LOVES YOU


  • Sue Bebie
    28 April 2008 4:30 am

    He’s so happy about his new job. He is the head waiter of the very best Chinese restaurant in town. Look at his haircut, it goes well with the interieur of his new workroom.

  • 28 April 2008 5:08 am

    The reason I believe Monster 196 or as I will call him,Sli, goes like this.
    See Sli works at a supermarket as a cashier. The supermarket had been SUPER busy that day, a Friday. As Sli walked home from work he said to himself,When I get home I’m going straight to bed. When he walked through the door his wife came up and asked,”What’s wrong?” Sli replied,”I’m just a little tired.”Sli walked upstairs and lie in bed, but it wasn’t long before he smelt something,he what it was and he ran down stairs and screamed,”YES! PIE!”

  • SpookyDeeCat
    28 April 2008 8:26 am

    Ok, before you go thinking I did on purpose you have to understand I was under A LOT off stress and pressure. I mean, I just found out last week that I was going to fired, and then, when I came home to meet my sweet candy for some din-din, I found her cheating in me! With a HORSE! I just went up to’em and…wanted to talk. I did not know i”d kill’em. I just wanted to clear the air. But as soon as I saw those big hooves and big pipe I knew it was over. Man…you should SEEN it. He was so…BIG. I don’t know what came over me. I just lost it! LOST IT! SHE WAS CHEATING ON ME WITH A CROP TOP DADDY!!! Ok, better now. Say, as long you guys are here, want some meat? Freshly ground and good to grill? No, ok. More for me and the misses.

  • Andu
    28 April 2008 11:15 am

    Hardy had waited for so long and now they were lying in front of him. The fruits of long, hard work. He breathed in and out loud, the grin plastered on his face seemed never to go away. How he wished he could conserve the moment like it was, so beautiful, unique, yet short-lived like a little butterfly.
    He had been three years old when he first announced his biggest wish to his mother. He was considered special even by then, because of the three limbs that hung lifelessly from his stomach. She had laughed, patting him on the shoulder. “If you so wish, you will! I promise you!”
    She couldn’t keep her promise though, but it hadn’t been her fault. She had disappeared when the Great Shadow once again claimed his victims. It was shaped like an almond, throwing his appendages into the sea. They looked like nets, and everytime they roamed through the water, they wanted their victims. It was hard for them, but they were chosen.
    In memory of his mother, he tried. And when it didn’t work, he tried harder. Slowly he got his three limp fins to move, first erratically and uncontrolled, but then slower, more like he wanted it to. It took him years to teach himself how to climb the steep, sharp corals without harm. It took himself another long decade to learn how to move them, one after the other.
    Now he had reached his goal. He moved the first fin, than the next, shifting his weight on the strong limbs.
    Hardy had learned to walk.

  • Bob Coogan
    28 April 2008 12:38 pm

    It might be a bloviated rumilus. I might be wrong, though. Maybe it’s a blubbering slathermoot!

  • 28 April 2008 12:49 pm

    Doctor Sneeky Von Schnept had all the pompous appeal of a pig-in-a-poke. Although refined and courteous, distinguished from scientific treatises and the like…he had an unusual list of remedies subject to the action of any chemicals he wished to entertain, like he was the host of a party in the 70’s. Was this his medicinal treachery? Right now the doctor is seriously contemplating his decent from noble ancestors who studied nitrous nocturnal nirvana…now all his phrenetic patients know why they all have that delirious, frenzied face of funky felicity….like the ever tingling silly sensation of that blow to the elbow…you know, like when your face hurts from laughing so hard…..(and the doctor is in)…

  • Graffinity
    28 April 2008 1:15 pm

    Ex-gang member Johnny-B, A.K.A. Wonton-Wonder (known for his excellent, giant wontons he often made for his fellow comrades), is excited about his expected son. He will teach his son the ways of how to maintain a proper queue and how to extort the local community out of both money and goods. If his son is blessed with massive hands as he was, he will teach his son the ancient ways of wonton making which he learned from his father before him. Johnny-B continues to daydream as his wife screams at him from a close by room to get her some ice chips.

  • 28 April 2008 1:26 pm

    Fred (or ‘Zu of Coruscant’, as he liked to call himself), felt that his padawan “tail” gave him a major psychological advantage over the other members of the Star Wars gaming club.

  • Colclough
    28 April 2008 2:16 pm

    Harold found the Millennium Dome made quite a nice snack, once he’d picked all those awkward yellow spikes off, and given the thing a good shake to get rid of the tourists. He’d found, through long and painful years of experience, that most landmarks tasted much better without tourists in them. Besides, he was a mineralivore, and as well as tasting bad, those little proteiny things just didn’t agree with his digestive system.
    Now, that big wheel across there looks nice too…

  • 28 April 2008 2:52 pm

    Rocky attempted to call his buddy Fredrick about a three medium pizzas deal running at the new Monster Hut. All he got on the other end of the line was a distorted chime followed by, “We’re sorry. The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now.” He smiled timidly, and decided right then to do something about his weight. He started jogging last week and had already dropped a few pounds.

  • 28 April 2008 6:05 pm

    Mrs. Brown was happy with the effects of the hair growth hormone, despite their obvious side effects. Happier still was she to discover the local three-for-one store sold evening shoes in her size. She grinned her favorite grin and thought ‘Today has been beautiful. Just like me’

  • GristleBean
    28 April 2008 6:42 pm

    “Fneez knows it, and he’s not telling. All through lunch he stared at us as if he was the vegan cat that ate the tofu canary…
    What is he not telling us? Why, it could be a bunch of things. Maybe he got a raise, or found out his 401k is doing well. Oh, or maybe he got a date with Detisse from Finance (Yeah, RIGHT *snort*). What a doik.”
    They’ll think you’re up to something, and you are, all right! With the new ‘Going Postal Day Planner’, you can schedule everything in to that pivotal day when you’ve decided to take out all those weasely backstabbers in Purchasing, or want to show that special someone at the front desk how well you take rejection…
    With a tabbed calendar for easy-to-find dates and times:
    5:07 P.M. Update THE LIST.
    6:19 P.M. Buy some chewing gum.
    7:38 P.M. Contemplate the turmoil of the
    soul. Laugh at the futility.
    Watch Barney Miller Marathon.
    Let us help you focus your true intent! The instructional topics with page-by-page guidelines (printed in slightly larger font as the pages progress) are a sure-fire (*ahem*) way to express how you feel!
    8:22 P.M. Pick up dry cleaning. Buy
    some more gum.
    9:10 P.M. Practice maniacal laughter.
    No, you’re doing it wrong.
    Speedy caliber conversion listings, ear plugs, and stationery kit for that last note to explain it all, with a thesaurus and New ‘Quotes For Come-Uppance Circumstances’ including Shakespeare, Woody Allen, and more!
    Even if you don’t follow through with it, (which would be a right shame) everyone knows to take it a bit easier with you once you own a ‘Going Postal Day Planner’!
    Order yours today!

  • Andrew
    28 April 2008 7:36 pm

    Monster 196 was extremely pleased with how its week had gone. Not only was he able to find some stylish new shoes (and all in a special 3-pack for customers with spare feet, too!) he was able to make it to the art store before it closed to pick up a brand new drawing pen.
    The monster had a gallery showing soon, after all, and he had to look and draw his absolute best. And after having gotten some hair styling tips from his friend Monster 192, his ‘do is looking as sharp and neat as his pearly-white teeth.

  • Zaboo
    28 April 2008 7:43 pm

    Ever since he was little, Malfindi wanted to be a Disney character. It was his lifelong ambition. He was cute. He was cuddly. He had only four fingers on his hand, just like Mickey Mouse. He vowed to write to Walt himself to petition his inclusion in the roster.
    No one had the heart to tell Malfindi that Disney characters had 2 or 4 legs or that Walt Disney had died in 1966. As the years went by, Malfindi’s smile never waned. He remained hopeful that someday soon a letter would come, inviting him to be part of the Disney gang.
    Then one day when Malfindi checked his mailbox, he found a letter with a California postmark. He rushed into his house to open the letter. Having no thumbs made such things nearly impossible for Malfindi. He fumbled and fussed and tried all sorts of ways to get into the envelope. Finally he came up with the idea of holding the opener in his mouth and slicing the envelope to reveal the contents.
    You know what happened next. In his haste and exuberance, Malfindi cut the letter in thirds and was unable to piece it together because of the lack of thumbs. He lived out the rest of his days thinking of what might have been if he’d only been more patient.
    In reality, he had received a letter telling him that he may already have won money from Publishers Clearance Warehouse.

  • Danielle
    28 April 2008 7:44 pm

    I don’t know exactly, but this monster made me really happy!!
    He was born with three feet, one of the gas pedal, break pedal, and clutch pedal; he was born to drive! He’s bringing back old school, to the way his father taught him: stick shift. No nausea, motion sickness, hiccups, or abrupt turns guaranteed. His customer satisfaction is off the charts (in the positive way) and he’s making bank by driving around all the celebrities in Hollywood. He’s the best taxi cab driver in history!

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