Good morning. Welcome to Day 2 of this little Daily Monster mini-series. It was so lovely to see Simon and Bill back with great stories yesterday, and to have first-time contributor Karen come in with a strong debut. I’m excited to see what you’ll think of No.202:

If you have trouble viewing the Monster here, please let me know.
I’m experimenting with the video feeds right now. As a backup,
you can always find all the clips on my YouTube channel.

For now, I hope the week is treating you well,
and that you remember that 344 LOVES YOU


  • 25 August 2009 5:38 am

    Peskimo looked around and smiled. Six huge grease monsters surrounded him, their faces blue with anger, their hair swirling with hate.
    As they closed in Peskimo could see they had their claws drawn, and all three rows of their teeth were bared, several were even dripping gloop from their wide opened jaws. He signed and shock his head slowly from side to side. Typical, you step in and help a pretty waitress babe from being man-handled and the next thing you know, you’re staring once again into the cold, black eyes of danger. Hello, old friend.
    ‘Look guys, I should warn you right now. I don’t want to see anyone hurt. So, why don’t you just do as I asked and leave.’ They responded by rushing at him in a tornado, no, a combine-harvester of flaying arms and tentacles.
    Three minutes later, Peskimo slapped the flats of his tiny hands together in that universal action of slapping dust from your hands in the way that implies a job well done, even though it never exists outside of films. He steps over the pile of groaning, broken bodies to retake his seat at the bar. The pretty emerald-cheeked waitress blushes.’Oh, you’re my hero, PESKIMO!. I get off in an hour. And I know exactly how to thank you, PESKIMO!’ Why does she keep shouting my name, he thinks before..
    …’PESKIMO! I won’t tell you again get up!’ His mum shouted, yanking his duvet back,’You’re late for school.’
    ‘Mummmm! You’ve ruined everything. Thanks. Thank you. Thanks a lot. You’ve ruined my life.’ Peskimo curled up into a ball and willed himself back to sleep, knowing full well it was never going to happen and that all was now lost. Forever.

  • 25 August 2009 5:41 am

    sorry for the typos – I promise to proof read next time.
    Until tomorrow…….

  • karen linderman
    25 August 2009 1:09 pm

    Los Angeles, CA
    August 24, 2009, 11:09 am
    Last night while a DWP team was digging on the property that used to belong to Steven Spielberg at 6468 Mulholland Dr., a strange prehistoric looking, yet living, creature was discovered and captured. The stylish, lizard-like creature had no identification but sources have confirmed that there was an unusual name burnt into its leather belt that read ‘Sugar Daddy.’
    There is very little confirmed news to report on Sugar Daddy at this time, but a team of achaeologists, scientists and fashion experts have been called in to study this strange other worldly beast.
    Although it is not known what language Sugar Daddy is speaking, he seems to be repeating the words ‘I feel good. I knew that I would’ over and over and linguists have managed to transcribe some of the random rants that have been uttered throughout the evening and morning which include:
    Shake it, shake it, baby, come on now!
    Shake it, shake it, baby, ooo oooh!
    Shake it shake it, baby, huh!
    Abc, baby, oo ooo!
    123, baby, nah nah!
    Do re mi, baby, huh!
    That’s how easy love can be.
    And this one that is baffling and worrying the homeland security team….
    All you fellows who have someone and you really care, yeah, yeah
    Then it’s all of you fellows who better beware, yeah yeah
    Somebody’s out to get your lady
    A few of your buddies they sure look shady
    Blades are long, clenched tight in their fist
    Aimin’ straight at your back
    And I don’t think they’ll miss
    (What they do!)
    (They smile in your face)
    All the time they want to take your place
    The back stabbers
    Some kind of poetry from ‘out there’ in a universe far far away? Or maybe important information being delivered to us from afar that will help to preserve mankind? Or perhaps a terrorist or assassin spy lurking and waiting for a chance to take over NY Fashion Week? Authorities just don’t have enough information yet.
    Fashion historians from Soul Train, Get Christie Love and Ready Steady Go! have been brought in to examine the origins and authenticity of the shoes and clothing that Sugar Daddy is wearing and samples of what seems to be some sort of super mega polyester never seen before have been collected for microscopic investigation. The creature is being probed for more information.
    If anyone has any information regarding Sugar Daddy or knows anything about the mysterious language that has been reported, please notify your local authorities immediately or post something to this blog. Stay tuned for the latest updates.

  • karen linderman
    25 August 2009 1:15 pm

    I really wanted to know what happened after the emerald-cheeked waitress got off work too. Damn parents!

  • 25 August 2009 4:23 pm

    Ha! Excellent, Karen! I wonder why it sought out Spielberg’s house in particular. Or did Spielberg capture and keep this one? Fascinating! I don’t understand the strange language fragments, either, but they get me moving. (Unless I try to type too quickly, in which case they get me mooing.)

  • 25 August 2009 4:28 pm

    What typos, Simon? They seem to have magically disappeared. (Did I miss anything?)

  • 25 August 2009 4:30 pm

    Oh, when the hair starts swirling with hate, you had better watch out! Brave Peskimo, foiled by his mum again! I hope he gets to pick up the thread of his dream next time he goes to sleep. — Thank you for the excellent story, Simon!

  • Aina
    25 August 2009 6:28 pm

    Hai, saya Bapak Pelikanto, saya satu-satunya burung pelikan yang mempunyai gigi yang kuat. Sekarang saya bisa mengunyah ikan-ikan saya dengan baik. Dah
    Hey, I am Mister Pelikanto, I’m the one and only pelican that have a very healthy and stong teeth. Now i can chew a lot of fish easily. Byes

  • 25 August 2009 10:59 pm

    So “saya” is “I,” and “Babak” is “Mister.” I got that far. “Bisa” is “chew”? ARe you making up a whole new language? Or am I just not recognizing an existing one?
    Either way, thank you for the cool post, Aina!

  • Aina
    26 August 2009 3:05 am

    “mengunyah” is “chew”, and “bisa” is “can”. hahahahah ofcourse not, it’s existing one, Find it.

  • karen linderman
    26 August 2009 4:16 pm

    My theory is it wanted to find home and thought that there might be a portal at Spielberg’s. What do ya think?

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