Good LOVE morning. LOVE
LOVE Valentine’s LOVE Day LOVE

I hope you’ll have a brilliant day, either with your sweetheart, or (as in my case) with some heavily discounted chocolate after midnight. Either way is good.

Before we do anything else, I hope you’ll show some love
to yesterday’s excellent batch of monster stories:


Now, it’s not a spoiler to say that today’s creature
is alive with the glory of love. Please observe:

What love story is unfolding here? Who is being wooed?
(In other words: “Hoo-ee! Who is the wooee?”)
Will love bloom? And if so, what will be the fruit?

Roses are red, violets are blue.
This monster needs guidance.
I’m counting on you:


Today of all days 344 LOVES YOU
Truly, madly, deeply. I hope that doesn’t make you uncomfortable.

As a little proof of my affection, you can download
a scan of today’s monster by clicking here.
It’s sized so you can easily paste it into an e-mail
to somebody you like. It’ll probably make them smile.


  • 14 February 2008 6:51 am

    *hummin’* Stayin’ alive, Stayin’ alive.
    You can tell by the way he’s doin’ the walk, He’s a Monster Man, no time to talk.
    (gives new meaning to the word headgear, btw)

  • sue bebié
    14 February 2008 10:38 am

    a very lovely female,that looks a little bit like a bridgestone is beeing wooded by a monstercars wheel. they will marry and the fruit will be a wheelmonster in a mecanical watch with two rubies.

  • heathers
    14 February 2008 11:28 am

    Hey, look! A little kid monster! Can’t you just hear her calling:
    “Mama! Huggy! VALENTINE!!!!”
    Definitely one of my faves Stefan, happy hearts day.

  • Andu
    14 February 2008 12:10 pm

    I will try and put this one in a Limerick.
    There once was a monster named Moses,
    who just bought some beautiful roses,
    but suddenly tripped,
    and the roses he gripped
    fell down into some random hoses.
    That was…strange. But anyway, I wish all of you a very nice Valentine’s Day. This monster is cute and deserves a hug. ^^

  • Evie
    14 February 2008 12:42 pm

    Here is a little meditation on monster-love, in general:
    “True, my teeth are sharped on kitten’s bone,
    My eyes bulge fierce and stalk their prey,
    Yes, true, I lurk in midnight monster haunts,
    And sleep through sunny day.”
    “It’s true, my rancorous armpits reek
    And spread their stink o’er miles and miles,
    It’s true my oozing pustules leak,
    My drooling lips crack twisted smiles,”
    “Yes, it’s true,” gnashed the monster, hairiest wretch,
    “But, my heart sings like the bonny doves!”
    “And though I may not be the perfect catch,
    I want to walk through fields of love.”
    “I want to roar with you, and lick your lips, we two should never part.
    So I give these rotting roses, picked with a tender heart.”

  • 14 February 2008 9:03 pm

    Casanova Carl,
    Spike-head daydream believer.
    Keep your head up high!
    Love this guy little guy, so happy and carefree. Great lookin’ shoes too. Happy V-day* Stefan.
    (*cultured consumerist holiday)

  • Danielle
    14 February 2008 9:43 pm

    One day in the labs, a lonesome Oreo inadvertently fell into the bubbling cauldron and instantly mutated into the monster we see today. Although not an easy ‘dunk and chomp’ shape anymore, the mutated Oreo still manages to spread joy and comfort to everyone it crosses. For this very special Valentine’s Day, he managed to dress up and target single citizens all around! Pucker up for some chocolatey goodness!

  • GristleBean
    16 February 2008 11:13 am

    This was my mom’s boyfriend in high-school. We break him out every Valentine’s Day, much to my dad’s disaprooval. We dust him off, and hang him in his frozen state from the diningroom chandelier.
    He twirls about slightly in the faint February updrafts of the house, of memories frozen yet placid and warm, still alive.
    My dad refers to him menacingly as ‘The Valentine’s Pinata’ all while mumbling and flapping the newspaper straight in passive protest.
    How he got that way, back so long ago was this: he was Love-Stunned. Rare cases, rare beyond rare even. He was so overtaken by the unheard music in his ears, the way I guess my mom entered the restaurant that fateful day, and the unchecked boundaries of his heart that he just…froze.
    There had to have been paramedics, flashbulbs, commotion on that day, I’m sure. But now he hangs there amongst the crepe paper, above the colored candy. More than a decoration. Part of the celebration.
    And then the house, the day itself, and my dad all freeze and hold our breaths in a terrifying toast of potential change. My mom, she lowers him down, and kisses him on the forehead.
    He does nothing.
    Again. This year.
    He’s then put back away in the garage between the styrofoam Rudolph and the plastic skeletons to collect this year’s potential dust.
    And count ourselves lucky to be able to love.

  • 16 February 2008 12:51 pm


  • Sue Bebie
    2 August 2008 7:50 am

    Oh, darling please believe me
    I’ll never do you no harm…
    Ich werd’ mir für dich meine Zahnradzacken glätten lassen.

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