Good morning. How are you? I hope yesterday was a good one for you, whether you were by yourself, among friends, or with a special somebody. (You’d hope there’d be a body involved. Non-corporeal entities are challenging dates. All that vaporing about, apparitioning all over the place, the constant whine of the Theremin.)

Either way, Valentine’s Day brought about
quite a bit of monster love. Take a look:


Now it’s time for Monster 148:

What’s it on about? Is it hungry? Happy? Scared? Is it upset at some injustice? About a recent soft news event? Also, what physiological or gravitational quirk keeps it from tipping over? Lost monster story! Answers to the name 148. If found, please click here:


I’d say that my tail is wagging with excitement to hear what stories you’ll come up with. But that would be inappropriate, anatomically misleading, and just plain weird. And we can’t have that. Why? Because 344 LOVES YOU


  • sue bebié
    15 February 2008 5:34 am

    What a tongue…
    it has the after valentine blues. it’s upset about the injustice, that everyone can eat that valentine sweet stuff, get valentine kisses and so on. only the poor allergic little pal get a swollen pimpled blue-sky balloon in it’s monstermouth. it is always the same. but fortunately the swollen thing lift it up and the leaden tail keeps it from tipping over.

  • Stacy Rausch
    15 February 2008 6:38 am

    Poor Melvin…
    He knows he isn’t supposed to eat blueberries, but he loves them so much. They not only make his head swell to 5 times the size of his body, but they make his tongue blue and bumpy.
    Next time he will try to stay away from the blueberry muffins that Sally brought him for Valentines day.

  • heathers
    15 February 2008 8:45 am

    Poor Melvin indeed!
    (How wierd, Stacy that we were both thinking about blueberry allergies!)
    However, what Stacy forgot to add was that the laws of gravity don’t apply to monsters. Monsters don’t study law!

  • Andu
    15 February 2008 10:33 am

    The trip to Europe wasn’t as much fun as Sterling Bucktooth had thought. Yesterday, he had burned his tongue when he had eaten a very fresh and very delicious pain au chocolat in France. Today, while brushing his teeth in a crowded train to Paris, he had discovered that his whole tongue had gotten light blue polka dots on it. Mister Bucktooth had angrily spat out some tooth paste and glared at a giggling child with three arms.
    Now, Mister Bucktooth sat in a comfy café near the Eiffel Tower and enjoyed a coffee in a styrofoam cup. He just had heard a hint from another tourist from the Netherlands. The play “A Mid Monster Night’s Dream” by William Shakescare seemed to be very good. So he carefully transported his coffee pot in his mouth and walked outside.
    The one thing he had forgotten was, that it was horribly cold in Paris. When he took the hot cup out of his mouth, his tongue accidentally touched a lantern post and…freezed. While he watched the rest of his tongue turning as blue as the polka dots before, his coffee fell out of his hands when he gripped and pulled on his tongue. The hot liquid burned his feet.
    And there Mister Bucktooth was, dancing the “Oh-GOD-it-hurts-hurts-hurts-HURTS!!”-dance and sticking to the lantern post with his tongue as blue as the sky. No, this trip to Europe really seemed cursed to him.

  • James Hardaker
    15 February 2008 2:28 pm

    That’s the face of disgust. It’s the face that says “Bleeuuuurrrrgh”.
    It is, quite simply, the face of a creature which has just swallowed Monster 147 and didn’t like the taste of it!

  • bbibo
    15 February 2008 5:17 pm

    The wedding was a huge success. Monsters came from all over Monster Land, even as far as New Jersey, to celebrate with the new bride and groom.
    Herman thought Juliet, the bride, was the most beautiful monster he’d even seen. And well he should for Juliet was his new wife, his partner in slime, as Uncle Jilly said.
    She had the deepest 6 eyes of the darkest coal black. Her legs were twisted in just the right way to send his pulse soaring. And her fangs were sharp and pointed in an impish little grin.
    The reception passed Herman in a daze. Juliet would see spot him gazing at her from across the ball room floor. She gave him a little wink with her three best eyes.
    Later when they were finally alone, Juliet whispered something in Herman’s ear that made him drool.
    “Let me cook you a special treat in the kitchen. I’ll only be a minute.”
    Unfortunately her cooking was the biggest surprise ever, and Herman ran out the door without looking back to find a good divorce lawyer.

  • 15 February 2008 8:07 pm

    It’s just a new Julian Beever sidewalk drawing seen from the wrong angle. Must’ve been a sale on blue chalk or something.
    Great 344 link today! Black Dog was the first Zeppelin song I ever heard. It was like a tasty musical explosion went off in my head. I was never the same again.

  • 15 February 2008 11:01 pm

    The walleraleus is a peculiar monster. It insists on feeding off of blue spruce pine needles which give it’s tongue a smurf™ like appearance. Although harmless it has been known to leave children’s faces wet and slimy as well as tickle a few adults with it’s mustache.

  • GristleBean
    16 February 2008 11:35 am

    The single dangerous, deadly, and largest beastie ever categorized has been only inferred to in various photography like this, from thousands of miles away.
    The snorting sounds are comparable to Monday morning trainyards, the ferocity only barely parallel to fifty starving and orange-juice-injected Warglo-Dogs, and the cruelest acts this horrific guest of doom invokes make the Coupon Wars of 81 G.D.E. look like bicycle rides with your sweetie.
    And the hammering. Oh, the hammering.
    We know it has a hammer. Not that living tales have been told. Its victims are caught off guard, mashed flat within the blink of an eye.
    ‘Unseen Jeffff’, they call him, it. Because of the completely invisible-thing. Can’t see him at all. He enjoys a challenge though, and frequents the breeding grounds of the Cyan-gulleted Imperviasaur, smooshing them flat with unabandoned snorting glee.
    As you see here in this photograph, taken from the Cloud-Raking Towers of Usselbeef.
    We hope to never not see him again.

  • Sue Bebie
    2 August 2008 8:12 am

    Immer wenn Brutus Lust verspürt die Waden alter Damen anzuknabbern, verfärbt sich seine Zunge, er kriegt unerträgliches Kribbeln am Halszäpfchen und sein ganzer Kopf inklusive Hard-und Software schwillt an. Unfähig zu rennen, zu bellen oder zu beissen, bleibt er paralysiert an Ort und Stelle.
    Das Antischnapptraining zeigt Wirkung. Die
    Tierschützer allerdings protestieren lautstark gegen diese tierquälerischen Methoden und sind nun am Entwickeln eines Hundekaugummis mit Alte-Damenwaden-Geschmack.

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