DAILY MONSTER 33
Good morning and a special Hello to those of you coming over from Wired’s Table of Malcontents. (Thanks to John Brownlee for the kind write-up of the Daily Monster. I’m especially happy that he highlights what’s really cool about the site: All of you who are posting stories!)
It looks like you enjoyed yesterday’s symbionts. You came through once again with a brilliant prism of stories. (I’m hoping that Santa will bring me a new thesaurus, so I can find new ways to praise you every day. My limited perspicacity is no match for your effervescent literary endeavors.)
New contributor Stephanie makes a rockin’ and rollin’ debut with her dental care tale of cousins Elliot and Maurice. Terry Tolleson returns with an onomatopoetically visceral account of large scale deception and denial, while Mogabog pushes the boundaries once again and presents a most elaborate teaser about escape artist Greenie McGrey in the form of an “Access Hollywood” segment script. Hats off, sir! Another great one!
Sam Berkes, I suspect, is a fellow fan of This American Life Episode 274 and places yesterday’s creature on a continuum with Cymothoa Exigua. He calls him Parasitic Phil. Nice one, Sam!
Andrew put together an excellent side show bill. Scott English gets all Cockney on us as he chronicles the thoughts of a small pub crawler that finds shelter in the mouth of a much bigger one.
Kyle posted some excellent inky artwork of his own. Gatorbait says “gym teacher,” and Turtle votes for dental care symbiosis.
Last but in no way least, Brooke N brings another gift of poetry. Wonderful, stirring imagery. I don’t know how you do it, but I’m glad you’re posting it for us to see.
Today’s monster is another happy fella, and why shouldn’t he be with his snappy transmitter. Who do you think he’s sending signals to? Is he broadcasting? Or is he involved in one-on-one communications? What is his message? Words? Music? Is he using code? Is he getting a reply? I’m looking forward to your transmissions! Have a great day and don’t let the jingling bells distract you from the fact that 344 LOVES YOU
Ed was pleased with himself after watching that Jacques Cousteau video from begining to end. There was so much information, especially about the anglerfish – did the old man say it was his cousin? – and it’s queer way of capturing prey.
“Hey, bartender! Another round over here, please?”
The explosions were getting closer. It wouldn’t be long before they found their intended target. The group huddled around the captain waiting for his decision. A young soldier anxiously checked his weapon to ensure safe and reliable assistance in the battle, like it would protect him from a 500 pound round of heavy ordnance coming just off shore of the Pleebian Straits.
The captain looked grim. “Boys… straight from the hip here… this doesn’t look good. Every unit from here to Neften has been decimated. Just when we receive a communi-kay from one, they seem to get hit. And I don’t think observing radio silence is doin’ us much good. Where’s Jatanko?” A few of the men rustled when Jatanko’s name was barked out. Some grumbling was heard.
Private Sanshin Jatanko was responsible for communications of the unit. Actually, he WAS communications. You see, Jatanko was one of the few that could harness the power and capabilities of their antenna. It took a special talent to actually transmit, over any distance, one’s thoughts via this retractable appendage. Of course, it took an equally special talent to receive such signals as well. Every unit along the beach had a “Bug”, as they were playfully named (which was actually an inside government joke that used the tiniest of these talented lot to sit inside cramped spaces while eavesdropping on dangerous conversations). Jatanko was one of the most gifted with his antenna. He could send messages as far away as Huton-5, and if you know anything about interstellar travel, you know that is pretty damn far. There’s a lot of systems between Partouph and Huton-5. A lot.
“Sir, yes sir!” Jatanko replied.
The captain slid up to the private and put a hand on his shoulder. “Son, I really think we need to give a call to HQ and give them an update on this situation.”
“SIR! We don’t know who will intercept that message.” one private yelped.
“All the other units have been destroyed moments after opening a line!” snapped another.
“The Bugs are bugged!” yet another hysterically squealed.
The captain’s face became more grave with each passing second. “I know you’ve lost a lot of your friends, private. Receiving their last thoughts moments before they are taken from this world… but we really need to inform HQ of the situation. And the rest of you lot! You don’t think I haven’t considered the enemy intercepting transmissions? Or that my best friend, Major Roku, just became a statistic only 33 seconds after his Bug told Jatanko their situation? This is war, people. Victory is won by the brave and those willing to take the risks that ensure success. We’ve been damn lucky so far and I want to ride that luck a little harder. Telling HQ what’s going on just might get us out of here and maybe even a step up on these damn Yangtarians. So hold fast and shut the hell up!”
“So – let’s do it, son. Open that line.”
Jatanko nodded and raised his antenna. He concentrated for a moment and then raised his hand to signify the connection. The captain started dictating to him, his speech quick and to the point. Jatanko’s eyes never blinked. His concentration was absolute. This connection was as solid as a rock.
The Yangtarian mega-cruiser’s guns ceased their onslaught of the coast and began slowly grinding towards the south. Ensigns raced along the decks outfitting the turrets with long-range barrels. A stern-faced officer stared out the window, pleased at his crews quick work.
“Yoooooou’ve done weeeell, Jaaaaatankooooo.” He hissed as he turned to face the antenna-extended lad. “Theeeeee basssssssssse are beeeeelong to usssssss now.”
Jatanko turned to the officer and gave a slow blink. “My twin brother has confirmed the coordinates. You may fire when ready.”
The Yangtarian looked down at Jatanko and remarked, “Weeeee are mooooooore thaaaaaaan happyyyy to asssssssist you annnnd yourrrrrr brotherrrrrr for the resourcesssss of thissss plaaaaanet. Yangtarrrrr beeeeeenefitsssss greaaaaaatly.”
“Yes. Partouph’s government has abused my kinds’ talents for too long. Many of us will relocate to Huton-5 for a more peaceful life after this war. My brother’s plans for revenge are being fully realized.”
The main guns let loose a volley of death and both Jatankos let a small smile creep across their faces.
Mista Mornin’ Monsta.
What else could he be?
Hair flying all over the place?
Getting his connection to the world started (cell phone).
And pretending to be really happy about the whole thing.
Kinda a cop out story. The long ones take more time than I got today.
I don’t know how far forward your queue goes, but will there be special holiday theme monsters? You know, a monster with a party hat with his lips puckered or something? That would be cool.
Oh I love it, I love it!
I love monsters. Daily monsters are the best kind.
Is it possible for us to get high-res images of the finished monsters to print out and admire on our large, white, empty, grad-student walls? We would be tremendously appreciative, not to mention far more interesting (what with engaging all of our apartment visitors in storytime with the monsters).
I think that’s just how he says “Hello.”
haha, yeah! how he says hello! or maybe how he eats Christmas cookies? hahaha
he could also be sending some type of message as Stefan suggested… maybe he’s looking for a barber to shave his grizzly beard, or a dentist to clean the algae from between his teeth!! i’m sure he’s getting quite a few responses… who wouldnt want to talk to such a cheerful fella?
the one liners make me laugh 🙂 I want an attention span for Christmas so I can read more (all) of these great stories!!
blobbo wants more monsters.
He has no idea the depths of Mr. 344’s love.
(funny thing is I remember seeing this book a while back, and it took me a couple visits to this site to make the connection – duh)
Sportsracers love Daily Monsters!
Found you through “The Ze” of course. You should know that you’re now part of my daily regiment. Consider yourself stalked. Don’t ever stop creating. You’re quite inventive.
Oh, and for your reference, there is always thesaurus.com
Marlowe suspected that the surgery had gone horribly awry, but he couldn’t quite tell. Something was creating radio interference every time he looked at a mirror. He vaguely remembered his last words just before going under the anesthesia: “Dental implants. I want big, shiny veneers.” And then, words from the doctor, who looked as if he might have consumed one too many eggnogs: “Yes. You’ll look just like a reindeer, Marlowe. A big, shiny reindeer.”
“Momma? Can you hear me?”
“Yes, Cleo. I can hear you just fine.”
“Momma, thank you for the new radio. I was sad that I fell down that flight of stairs and broke my last one.”
“I know, Cleo. That’s why Pop-pop and I got you a new one. Are you having fun at school?”
“Yes, Momma. I learned that aliens make cheese and that the humankind like to eat cheese. I didn’t know that before today.”
“Who told you that Cleo? Are they teaching you that in school?”
“Well, no. I saw it scribbled on the bathroom stall wall today. I find all kinds of neat things there.”
“Cleo, things written on bathroom walls are most likely written by people that have no idea what they are talking about, and they write that stuff to entertain people while they….relieve themselves. You should know better then that.”
“But Momma! I know some of it’s true. I asked around about one thing that I saw, and everyone else agreed that it was true. I won’t tell you what it was, I don’t think you’d understand.”
“Cleo, you need to stop wasting time reading that trash or Pop-pop and I are going to take you out of that school!”
“How will I get my Evil education then? You can’t take me out of the school.”
“We most certainly can, and we most certainly will! You can end up a friendly monster, and just live with it.”
“Momma! I can’t do that, Pop-pop would be so disappointed in me. Okay, I will stop reading the bathroom walls. I promise.”
“That’s a good boy. You better get to bed. It’s late.”
MY NAME IS HORACE AND I LIKE TRAINS AND BOLOGNA AND INTERNET BROADCAST SETS MY MOM SAYS THAT I SHOULDNTA PUT THAT RADIO IN MY HEAD BUT I SAID IT WAS A GOOD IDEA AND NOW IM TALKING TO THE INTERNET AND PEOPLE CAN SEE WHERE I LIVE AND HOW GREAT I AM AND DID YOU KNOW I HAVE THREE CATS AND THEIR NAMES ARE ANNIE MEX AND TITZA AND I THINK TANG IS THE GREATEST DRINK OF ALL TIME AND I LIKE TO SPIN IN CIRCLES UNTIL I THROW UP ALLOVER THE COUCH MY MOM GETS MAD AND SAYS YOUR A STUPID HORACE FOR SPINNING UNTIL YOU THROW UP BUT THEN I SAY IM NOT STUPID IM SMART BECAUSE I HAVE AN INTERNET RADIO IN MY HEAD AND I LIKE SANDWICHES WITHOUT THE CRUST WITH LOTS OF MUSTARD BUT MAYO MAKES ME FART BUT SOMETIMES I EAT IT ANYWAY BECAUSE IT TASTES GOOD AND I LIKE TO PLAY BADMINTON BUT NOONE WILL PLAY BECAUSE THEY SAY I TALK TOO LOUD BUT I DONT THINK I TALK TOO LOUD DO YOU THINK I TALK TO LOUD I JUST SAY THEY TALK TOO SOFT AND I TELL THEM THAT AND THEN THEY STOP PLAYING WITH ME AND THEN I HAVE TO PLAY AGAINST THE SIDE OF THE GARAGE WHO IS REALLY GOOD AT BADMINTON EVEN THOUGH SHES JUST A BUILDING I ONLY BEAT HER ONCE WHEN I HIT THE BIRDIE THROUGH THE WINDOW AND I SAYS THAT I WON GARRY BECAUSE YOU DIDNT HIT IT BACK AND THEN MOM SAID THIS IS WHY WE CANT HAVE NICE THINGS BUT I SAID WE CAN BECAUSE IM SUCH A GOOD BADMINTON PLAYER THAT I BEAT THE GARAGE AND SHE JUST CRIES AND CRIES AND SAYS WHERE DID MY SON GO AND I SAYS RIGHT HERE AND SHE CRIES MORE AND STUFF.
The stories here today are awesome! Terry T. you rock me, baby! Mogabog, short and sweet with soul! Stephanie… good lawd… that’s teh funnies.
Terrance is an odd fellow. He likes Indian food (saag paneer is his favorite). And he has this one arm that never fully developed. The kids all called him bug fist. It bothered him a bit, but he never let it show.
When he was fourteen, his parents sent him away to military school. It was good for his self-esteem, and taught him how to be tough.
He volunteered for a secret military project while he was there, and ended up with surveillance equipment hardwired to his brain. It never really affects him in day-to-day life though, so he doesn’t mind too much.
“Can you hear me now?”
The new phase of the ad campaign was going to cause quite a buzz – everyone would be clamoring to have one.
(May you get a lovely leatherbound dictionary/thesaurus containing lots of pretty words).
Monster 33 is called the Satellite Hero. He follows storms and bad weather fixing customers’ satellite TV when it goes down.
Radar Love 344…
Er sendet seine Message multilingual in den Weltraum hinaus.
I’m the cutest boy in town!
Je suis le plus beau garçon dans la ville!
Sono il vero Latin Lover!
Ich bin das heisseste Monster der Stadt!
Radar Love 344… Radar Love 344..
Um der Globalisierung Rechnung zu tragen übt er sich in Mandarin, Weissrussisch und Suaheli ebenso wie in Rätoromanisch, Bayrisch und Baseldeutsch.
Aber das steht auf einer andern Seite, zu einer andern Zeit, in einer andern Welt…