DAILY MONSTER 96 (of 100)

Good morning. Only four monsters left to go! It’s getting very near the end! But I’m so excited to see everybody just flying with their stories! We’re finishing strong and that makes me very happy! You guys are amazing. Check out yesterday’s tales:


Monster 96 doesn’t enjoy being bossed around. It’s cranky. It doesn’t want to perform silly little tricks. It just wants everybody to let it be. Why is it so grumpy, though? Did something happen? Is it not getting enough sleep? Is it not eating right? Problems at home? Or at work? Or is it just in 96’s nature to be a bit sour. What do you think is going on here?


Let me once again repeat my public service announcement about what’s coming up next: As you know, there will be a book about this whole series and you can’t get into the book if you don’t post a story. So if you haven’t joined in the fun, this is your chance.

Due to the nature of old school print media, it’ll take a few months to get the book produced right. But I would love to keep you informed about the project in the meantime. I’ll post news here at the site, of course, but if you like, please send me a message at monsterbook@344design.com and I’ll make sure you’re the first to get the book when it becomes available. In fact, if you put yourself on the mailing list, I’ll send you a custom monster desktop picture—full color and everything!—by the end of the week.

I hope you’re having fun working your way
towards the big Monster Finale with me.
It’s certainly my pleasure. After all… 344 LOVES YOU


  • 21 February 2007 4:03 am

    Of course Monster number 96 is sour. She is the master of 19 different languages – all of of them now extinct. There’s so much she wants to say … but no one, nowhere, can understand her. So she’s taken a vow to speak only in riddles – but no one understands the riddles so she’s in a diddle.
    Add the fact that she can no longer chew her food (monsters of her age often suffer from a sponging of the teeth – a liquid diet often being recommended) and I think her story is rather sad. I’d be grumpy too.
    And then you go and prod her with a distainful finger. Outrageous. I think it’s time people round here started showing monster 96 some sympathy and respect. Think of her family.

  • Stubbs
    21 February 2007 6:24 am

    Rex came at him with a swift left-hook. George felt his neck twist like a screw. Then the world went black. The crowd gathered, peering over him. But at the wail of a siren they dispersed rapidly, blending back into the back alleys and basements from whence they came (everyone was well aware that fighting was forbidden).
    The doctors told George that they had done their best, tried their hardest, but there was nothing they could do to fix it: his head was stuck facing his backside. But he could sense that their sympathy wasn’t genuine; it served him right, he shouldn’t have been fighting in the first place. George sighed and signed his release form. At least, he was pretty sure it was his release form (after all, he couldn’t actually see it). And with that, he walked back out into world.

  • Inanna
    21 February 2007 7:25 am

    It’s the Sequin Waste monster, so dainty and delicate, so shy.
    No matter what she does, she just needs that little “push” to get started; but once she’s on her way, you can just see her excitement by the way her downy underfeathers wave in the air. She’ll soon have more confidence and will become on of the Top Monsters, you just wait and see.

  • Ted Drizzler
    21 February 2007 7:29 am

    i remember when 96 was a young language student at the monster university – she’d done very well to get in at all… the elitism of that place has always been breathtaking… and there she was, all legs and no body, trailing around trying to get to the classroom on time. Laughed at for her accent (an odd sound pitched somewhere between Cher, an otter and the colour mauve – unique), cruelly held back on many occasions – quite literally held back you understand – a discreet foot on her long tail was one of the more popular tricks her classmates played on her. She wasn’t happy even then. an air of haughty melancholy surrounded her. it wasn’t easy to be her friend. Few tried, and even fewer tried for long.
    What a gift though she had for languages – ploop is right of course, 19 of them – but all hopelessly ill chosen. perverse, perverse monster to study so hard, and for so long and in such redundant enquiry.
    After college she tried her hand at a range of jobs – none suited. i mean really, 96 was never going to make Rabbi was she? who was giving her that advice? Bailiff – equally poor choice. Judge Judy’s body double – another ill chosen road.
    bitterness of course set in.
    she cuts something of a tragic figure now. Some of us are born with an arrow over our heads declaring ‘Victim’ and 96 is unquestionably one of them… as witnessed by the creator’s cruel finger. Her many efforts to rise above her feeble station have been revealed as futile. Her languages dead, her hopes dashed.
    Love? Oh don’t even go there with 96. Her desperate loneliness punctuated by short, agonising episodes of toe curling embarrassment makes Chekhov look like Nora Ephron.
    It is to 96’s credit that she can still carry herself with the degree of dignity she shows… although where she is walking to must remain unknown. Some paths are best left unfollowed i think. It’s a lonely and dark alley into the endless abyss…

  • Jonas
    21 February 2007 7:49 am

    He knew he was going to be one of the last of his kind. He was going to be powerful and strong like the ancient gods from Aaargh. He was going to be worshippped , admired and rejected,just as the old goods. He would lurk around in the dark corners of the universe hidden for the Bright ones. Scwimmish in the stars and wait for the opening of the timecrack. He was immortal but wanted to die to be reborn as a Bright one. A great one which the legends spoke about, light and transparent.

  • Sabeyen
    21 February 2007 12:09 pm

    It is a well known fact that, until this very day, the Miss Universe contest has been rigged (honestly, hasn’t anybody noticed only contestants from Earth are winning?) But today changes all that!
    Celestine, of the beautiful planet 96, has become the first Miss Universe from anywhere but our little blue home-planet.
    Of course, the Earth girls and their parents are plenty sore. In an exclusive clip we see the father of Miss Ireland actually poking poor Celestine, no doubt making obscene and rude remarks. However, Celestine seems to be taking everything in stride.
    Unfortunately we could not get an interview with the new Miss Universe, seeing as none of our reporters speak her language.

  • 21 February 2007 12:14 pm

    Skeevis was unable acquire a contract at DC or Marvel. It seemed he was a tad passive to be a super hero. However, on M{ONSTER}TV he developed a cult following.

  • 21 February 2007 3:44 pm

    There are very few who look forward to the prospect of public speaking. Until a few years ago, monster no. 96 was a member of that group. He used to speak at all sorts of events, from high school graduation ceremonies to baseball games. Even the most nerve-racking types of speaking engagements, such as the ones in front of a group of people while standing in one’s underwear didn’t bother monster no. 96 (whose real name is actually Tod) in the least. However, during one routine speech concerning meal-time etiquette at a summer camp for teens, Tod was met with one of the most embarrassing situations one can imagine. While in front of the group of already heckling sixteen year olds, something began to happen to Tod’s face. His mouth began to open wider, and wider, and wider, uncontrollably so, until finally his upper lip was where the bidge of his nose normally was–it had, of course, fallen off by this point–and his lower lip was at the level of his no longer distinguishable adam’s apple. As if that weren’t bad enough, while the large, coarse hairs began to sprout from the back of his throat, Tod’s back began to split down the middle and bursted into two puny looking bat wings. Amidst the laughter and camera flashes, Tod was able to fly away, but never again would he regain his former jolly demeanor. He would acquire the name “Monster No. 96” and would never again be seen or heard speaking publicly again.

  • 21 February 2007 4:15 pm

    In the ’40s, a dentist named Lytle
    Tied some bombs to some bats with a bridle.
    (It was his master plan
    That they’d fly to Japan
    And the Second World War would go idle.)
    My dad was among those recruited
    (And combustible-uniform suited).
    He met a squid (mother),
    One thing led to another
    (Her ink sac leaves details disputed).
    The echolocation’s incessant
    Plus, too, I’m bio-luminescent.
    But from this phylogeny
    I stand here: their progeny!
    Ninety-six, or: “Le Monstre Quiescent”.

  • Zutku
    21 February 2007 5:43 pm

    Thanks for the e-mail, and for creating the Daily Monster, Stefan! I’ve really had fun watching the clips of you drawing these for us. The monsters give me some inspiration for ideas for my stories, because I want to be a writer when I grow up. And it’s also fun writing these!
    The small group of bat-like creatures sat at the bottom of the cave, in a big alcove hidden deep within the area. These creatures had the wings of a bat, reaching far outward with tufts of delicate feather-like fluff. They also had the belly of a bat, covered with the same feather-like fluff, only shorter. Their legs were just limp noodle-like bags of skin and fluff, hardly keeping them up while they were walking. Although for some reason, they preferred to walk instead of fly.
    They were gathered in small clusters, often ranging from about two to three creatures each. The clusters stayed away from each other, and growled as others walked by to leave for food or fresh water. As one left, the group usually went with it, and one of the remaining groups would somehow cover up the spot to make sure they wouldn’t get to sit there for a while.
    A small creature got up, and started making his way across the cave floor. He was overcome with the growling and snarling that he heard roaring in his ear slits. He refused to walk further. He collapsed on the rock floor and covered his ear slits with his wing fluff. One of the groups had pushed him into another. The group he was lying in bit and scratched and tore at him with their natural weapons, teeth covered by mouth fluff, small claws at the tips of their wings, and the small but very sharp foot claws. He managed to get enough strength to fly away from the angry group.
    He landed outside the cave, and fell into a puddle of muddy water when he landed. He had no more strength, so he lay there, letting the brown-colored blood from his small wounds soak into the water. He stared weakly as he saw a lone creature fly out of the cave and land next to him. He fainted and felt himself being pushed back into the cave and over to his group. He felt the warmth of his friend’s tongues, and he awoke. He opened his eyes, and saw fresh food and fresh water in front of him and thought, “This is how it is everyday, we have to hope and try to survive.”

  • Chris X
    21 February 2007 7:18 pm

    Ninety-six was a Roman by birth. He was elected – probably handpicked – by Sixty-four from the Tusculani family, the unquestioned mistress of Rome during this period, as a stop-gap measure until her own son Seventy-four was ready to assume the throne of Seventy-two. This was the darkest period of papal history, when noble faction clans in Rome turned the papacy into a temporal fiefdom. Little is known of Ninety-six’s reign, except that he confirmed the privileges of a few religious houses in France and Italy. He may, like several popes in this period, have been assassinated.

  • 21 February 2007 8:14 pm

    It’s the newest Spamalot stage prop, the killer dragon. Its got a vicious streak a mile wide! He’s got nasty, big, pointy teeth. I’m tellin’ you, watch out for this little guy. He may look nice and a bit slow but he’ll rip your face clear off. If you doubt your courage or your strength, come no further.
    -Bloody things not moving at all!-
    (Cue animated finger to prod the beast)
    I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew, didn’t you? Oh, it’s just a harmless little dragon, isn’t it?

  • 21 February 2007 11:21 pm

    I followed the ‘post your story here’ link to post for monster 96 but it directed me to 95. So then I followed another link down lower and I finally landed on the right monster (and what’s with my double-posting yesterday?? Mercury is definitely in retrograde…).
    Monster 96!
    Ernest’s schadenfreude* has earned him a nudge from (insert your favorite deity here) to go and apologize, and promptly. Laughing at your best friend who has just grown in his new adult wings and looks dorky trying to aerial maneuver and taking great pleasure in said friend’s misfortunes is very bad form.
    You better mean you’re sorry, Ernest. This is not the time for dissembling.
    *pain-joy in German, and perhaps not used entirely correctly here, but you get the gist.

    yeah, these monsters are way cool with the props and stuff!
    great words everyone!

  • 21 February 2007 11:33 pm

    It would be some time before she found another like her. She had been roaming the countryside; as fresh as it was with its fragrant grassy plains and crisp mountain peaks in the distance; wandering rather aimlessly, not sure of her purpose. She often felt alone, but knew she was a pioneer in this land. This undiscovered country that her two spindly legs carried her across. Her mandibles probed the air for scents. Food. Water. Danger. Her dainty wings ready to spring her from the ground at a moments notice should she fancy an afternoon flight or to escape some ominous doom. The days passed without incident, making her feel somewhat bored. She knew, however, that the time would come when she would meet someone to share her experiences with.
    She reminisced on her youth. It was oddly quite clear, not like most memories fading and becoming scratchy with dust and debris blown about by the mind’s eye. First, there was nothing. A white void was her home, her birth place. She could see everything and nothing at the same time. She remembered the feeling of her wings developing and her legs taking form. To her, this was a long, detailed process. To an outsider, a mere matter of seconds. Like waking from a deep slumber, she was whole and ready to enter the world. Her hesitation had not gone unnoticed. The Creator, her life giving benefactor, gently coaxed her into the world she would inhabit. A simple nudge of the finger was enough to break her concerns for what lie ahead. For if He could create life amongst nothing, then surely He could fill hers with something to make of it.

  • Weston, 5th grader
    15 March 2007 7:31 am

    Monster 96 is the nicest monster. When he flies, his wings give all the people happiness. He sees that all poor people receive the food they need. He lives in a home and celebrates every holiday with the poor families. The reason he is so kind is because he is the last monster of his kind. There was a big fire where he lived and he was the only one that got out.

  • Sue Bebie
    13 May 2008 11:45 am

    Weder krank, noch mürrisch, noch müde oder traurig, sondern in religiöser Verzückung…
    Habt Dank ihr Götter aller Monster!
    Meine Gebete wurden erhört!
    Nichts freakig mutiertes,
    sondern eine echte Monsterfledermaus ist aus mir geworden.
    Habt Dank ihr Götter (und Zeichner) aller Monster!
    Flatteruja! Flatteruja!

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