Good morning. Can you believe that it’s Thursday again already? Where do these weeks go? Unbelievable. I want this looked into! Last night I had the pleasure of returning to Art Center for the first time in a long time, and it was good to be home, if only for a few hours. If you came out for the talk, thank you so much for the warm reception.

While I was out with the 344 dog and pony,
you were obviously amply inspired by Monster 177.
A conflagration of funny stories is just a click away.
Or would that be a murder?


As for Monster 178 — well, now for something completely different:

Is 178 being blown away? If so, who’s blowing and why? Or are we witnessing recoil? A shock wave? An ionic breeze? An ironic breeze? What is going on here? Are we in any danger? Danger of being gripped by the same force as 178? Danger of being in the path either of 178 or of something it might be expelling?

If you know — and I’m pretty sure you do —
I hope you’ll take a minute to clarify things for us. Please…


Have a great, great Thursday!
Enjoy the spring air, when it’s warm enough to be nice
and still not too hot for spiffy clothes.
And remember: 344 LOVES YOU


  • sue bebie
    10 April 2008 4:19 am

    Oh, it looks a little bit strange. No creepy virus, no real danger for us. The poor creature is a victim of an accident with a truck. The poor pig-rat is now a flat pig-rat.
    The truck driver, a very bad guy, took four frozen horselegs and a oxtail out of his car, cut his own hair and sticks it all on the flat death creature.

  • 10 April 2008 6:12 am

    Texas hadn’t been the same since they landed.
    Cletus looked out across the fields of his ranch. The Visitors had requested that he replace his cows with Fleefniks–that was what humans called them, because of the sound they made as they expelled their–well, he supposed you’d have to call them “noses”. It was only polite to as they’d asked, considering all the Visitors had done for Earth–and even though humans couldn’t eat Fleefniks, he was well recompensed.
    The Fleefniks had presented interesting new challenges in animal husbandry. They were friendly little critters.
    And they tipped better’n any cow you ever saw.

  • Aiden A.
    10 April 2008 7:34 am

    Simon was hanging on as hard as he could. The strong winds vigorously whipped up everything they could. Simon thought the news man was crazy. A tornado, in Maine?? Not a chance. But here it was, right before his eyes.It was coming closer and closer. He needed something to grab onto, his suction feet couldn’t hold any longer. He couldn’t see through his squinty eyes so he just grabed at air. Suddenly, he went flying through the tornado. It was over, he thought. He fell asleep.
    “Hey! Long nose, you landed on my foot.”
    Simon looked up to see a lady in green dressed in a witche’s outfit. There were short people running in fear.
    “Is this… Oz?” said Simon.
    “No, you dolt there’s no such thing,” scoffed the witch.
    “Then were am I?” Simon said confusedly.
    “Your at the Maine Theater, we were practicing our play, when you came flying through the roof!”
    “Oh” said Simon dissapointedly.

  • Andu
    10 April 2008 8:31 am

    The wind was almost too strong to bear and Elsa had to claw at the floor. Thank the coincidence the floor consisted of many thick, fluffy hairs. As the source of the wind came nearer, she felt the air around her heaten up. She didn’t like that feeling. Why had she come out of her cozy hole in the first place.
    Ah, yeah, she had been hungry.
    The wind had started when Elsa had conquered that humongous thing that stood right in the middle of the jungle she currently tried to hold on to. It was so big she wasn’t even sure she would ever get to the top. There were two crucial factors why she did anyway. One thing was that this thing was climbable, as its surface was rough and sometimes sticky.
    The other thing, maybe the one that was more important for Elsa, was the irresistible smell of food.
    When she had finally made it to the top – a flat, big area with some funny stains – she saw her goal sitting on a round platform through which you could see. It was a nice, red fruit. As Elsa was a very hungry little monster, you can believe that this was the most ambrosial smell that had ever touched her long, hairy nose.
    She had run across the area, her small black form almost looking like a mouse. And right after she had taken a big bite from the fruit (that tasted even better than it smelt), she had heard that incredible loud scream.
    “EEEEK! Darling, there is a…a…THING on our table! Get the hell out of the living room and…take it away!”
    An ugly giant standing on two long, thin excuses for legs was looking at her from two horribly bulging blue eyes. Elsa was, to say the least, scared and did what everyone would have done. She grabbed the most food she could without starting to freak out and stuffed it into her cheeks.
    Another ugly giant came in. That one was not only bigger than the first one, but also quite loud. It carried some freaky hideous monster with some funny kind of trunk that had a flat black nose at the end.
    And suddenly, this nasty monster – the first ugly giant had said it was a “vacuum cleaner” – had started to conjure that horrible wind. She had fell to the floor and that was where she still hold on for dear life. Elsa’s powers left her and she almost thought she would meet her end in the nose of this monster, when…
    “YOU IDIOT!” screamed the first ugly giant with that high-pitched voice. “Now you broke the plate I got from my grandmother. It was worth so much! You never do anything right…” The wind suddenly stopped and the tall ugly giant pulled the noisy ugly giant out of the room.
    Elsa ran back into her hole as fast as she could. Too much adventures for one day.

  • 10 April 2008 8:37 am

    This questionable pachyderm looks like he’s in cahoots with the dog with the shifty eyes.

  • 10 April 2008 11:36 am

    I was sitting on an uncomfortable folding chair with a cheep aluminum table that had a Carta Blanca logo on it in a small mercado in Juarez Chihuahua. The mood was desolate and the ranchera music was wailing it’s usual calling for some sort of beautiful woman along side a delicious torta with guacamole. Those songs are always about food, beer, and women which felt more true to me than anything Frank Sinatra had written.
    I looked down to flick my cigarette into the glass ash tray sitting across from me when suddenly the music stopped. I looked up and and saw the three band members from the ranchera band staring off towards the Carneseria (meat market). Munites later, the crown that had been enjoying their delicious tacos was now running away screaming in a frantic panic yelling something about the “barbacoa”. My curiosity flickered and I ran over to approach the scene of all this chaos.
    There it was. Another “Peludo”. This time, he seemed to have come to life from the left over barbacoa that Manuel the butcher had left aside waiting to be fed to street dogs. I think this Peludo knew it’s fortune as it began to create itself and that might be the reason why he has taken the shape of a dog himself. After all, no dog would want to eat their own unless they were well prepare with some oregano and wrapped in a tortilla.
    As the Peludo scurried off along side with dogs now, I ran back to the Carta Blanca table for my notebook to document the sighting. Martita who was selling embroidered pens with custom names on them asked me if it was the chupacabra. I replied, “No Martita. Dis is mor den dat. It is much mor cleber. It nose we ar waching.”
    Right then and their, I named this one Perro Barrbacha.

  • Marc
    10 April 2008 12:13 pm

    Billy was scared. He had never heard a yelp like that from his dog, Stefan.
    Billy was thankful he had his video camera set up. He watched the video and froze the screen. He was truly amazed. If he had not seen it with his own two eyes, he wouldn’t or couldn’t believe it!
    Stefan had sneezed and farted at the same time!

  • mellio
    10 April 2008 3:37 pm

    Radolu is being sucked into a sucking vortex of doom! More commonly known as a vacuum. His big brother, Kamato, was cleaning their bedroom as his mother told him to when in came Radolu with all his toys and messed it up again. Kamato decided to just vacuum up the toys and Radolu along with them so it would never happen again. Radolu is seen here gripping his toes and shooting extra grip arms out of his nose. Kamato will not win this time.

  • 10 April 2008 6:40 pm

    Meeecheww is as sick as a dog. However, even though this sickness prolonged for days on end, she never sneezed, even though that was the only thing on her mind. She tried sniffing dust and pepper among other things but nothing worked.
    It was about that time to renew her driver’s license. She was hoping to wait out her sniffles so she wouldn’t have another horrible driver’s license photo; but she didn’t want to run the risk of getting caught driving her vehicle without a valid license, so she decided to go anyways. Once there, she had to wait in the usual lines that inched ever so slowly forward. A few hours later, it was her turn to get photographed. She whipped out her compact to give herself a quick look over.
    At that very moment, the sneeze finally came.
    Simultaneously with the three and the *click* came the sneeze of the century.
    Another horrid driver’s license photo.
    Meeecheww sighed but was too tired to ask for a retake.
    She just wanted to go home and pass out.
    Which she did.

  • 10 April 2008 7:49 pm

    It’s a miniature upright Pilosaphant. Seems this little guy got too close to a herd of wild yaks. They’re terribly allergic and sneeze with great vigor any time Pilosaphant pups come near. He’ll soon learn how difficult it is to get yak spittle out of his mane.

  • 10 April 2008 8:56 pm

    It was that time of year again. The windiest season that would last for several months. All sorts of debris would be kicked into the air in the forceful gusts. It was a usual occurrence that many had come to expect and even adapt. During any given moment, your afternoon stroll could be interrupted by a strong blow that would push you backward like you were on roller skates. However, it would end as soon as it began – though another would occur, seemingly, within seconds.
    Allergies were the absolute worst and only exasperated by the tornado-like gales during these weeks. Ultimately, despite the expectations, people simply dreaded it. A bit of an irony, really, as each instance of ridiculous wind would only kick up more of the sneeze inducing particles that caused the plentiful snoglores to bellow out their mighty trunks. The hardship of being hit by the blast of a Snoggy-Sneeze was only equaled to the hilarity at seeing one of these gigantic beasts careening backward through the air from the force of its own muzzle maelstrom.

  • sue bebie
    13 April 2008 1:42 am

    A scream of the painful sadness has reached the story tellers heart…
    The worst case in a 344 graphic designer’s life is the death of one of his children.
    344 should never be RIP monsters! 344 should never die! 344 will never die!
    And now the Happy End of the story…
    The flat rat was so flat, because she was on a diet. Fortunately she was sleeping between the truckwheels and so she was only shocked. The bad driver thought, he had a death creature in front of him and because of his fear, that the police could bring him to prison, he had this freaky idea with the frozen stuff.
    No RIP creature only a cold one.

  • GristleBean
    15 April 2008 10:46 pm

    Dumbo wind-tunnel initial aerodynamic testing at Disney’s underground laboratories yielded positive results in the sixties.
    The first basic designs played with tusk-drag, ear coefficients, and, in this case, elephantic streamlining.
    This rare photo also suggests that due to the hairpiece attached to the subject, Aladdin’s flying carpet project was also well along in the works.

  • Nadia Hansen
    27 November 2008 3:31 pm

    This is a mix of a duck,elephant,and pig.Nice work Stefan you just created a new specimen!*claps*

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