DAILY MONSTER 60
Good morning! How are you? I hope things are going well for you. Things didn’t go so well for yesterday’s monster. Number 59 has a real stress management problem. High blood pressure. High cholesterol. The works. Please check out the detailed reports from our trusty correspondents in the field:
Monster 60 is much happier than 59. 60 is a bit of a showboat. Do you think this one is compensating for its small stature? Or is it actually a truly big bird? Seems like it’s bowing. What performance just ended here? Music? Theater? Oratory? Motivational speaking? I hope you’ll let us in on 60’s secret.
In other news, I bought some ice cream tonight—Häagen-Dazs “Extra Rich Light Caramel Cone.” So, right from the start, that’s a bit of a contradiction. It’s extra rich, but it’s also light. Well… OK. Alright. Opening the pint, I find this message under the lid: “We spent ten years with European scientists perfecting our Extra Rich Light ice cream.”
Wow! Scientists! From Europe! European scientists! Because if you want to get into some serious ice cream engineering, you really want European scientists on the case. As a European, I just want to tell you—my American hosts—that I’m sorry. I’m sure American ice cream science will one day rise again. (Of course, the particle accelerator at Fermi Lab in Illinois is due to shut down in 2009, and CERN is about to go online with the Large Hadron Collider, so… get ready for Über-rich ultra light ice cream. From Lake Geneva. Unless, of course, the Fermi team finds the Higgs boson before then. In that case, I’ll happily cue up for a pint of Bosonberry Sorbet.
This has nothing at all to do with monsters, but it struck me as odd on many levels and I thought I’d share the experience with you. The actual caramel cone ice cream was decent, but no match for Ben & Jerry’s stuff.
There is something, though, that does have something to do with the monsters: Once we reach Monster 101, the Daily Monster is going to become the Weekly Monster. Once we reach Monster 100 I’m going to put together a little book about the Daily Monster. Maybe it’ll be called 100 Days of Monsters. Or maybe The Daily Monster — 100 Days of Wayward Ink. We’ll sort that out later.
The book will feature the first 100 monsters along with a selection of your stories. I’m going to look for a good home for this book, so if you know a publisher (or if you are are a publisher), please give me a call. Or I may print the thing up myself and sell it here on the site. Either way, I can’t wait to put some of your excellent stories into print. If you haven’t posted a story yet, you’ve got 40 more opportunities to stake your claim. I’m excited to see what you come up with!
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